A Letter to My College Students: Kindness Matters

“Hey, who made the sweet potato and corn soup?” I asked the young worker at the grill counter when I ordered my grilled cheese and tomato sandwich. From off to the side, a growly voice with a hint of a challenge asked, “Who wants to know?”  Taken aback by this response, I hesitated for a minute, and then replied, “I just wanted to give the chef compliment. I love this soup!” “Oh, okay. I thought you had a complaint about it. Usually when someone is asking about something, it’s to complain.”  And, that’s how I met Walter, the head chef in Alumni Hall Food Court at Providence College, where I worked for six years as the counselor-in-residence of the Rhode Island School Counseling Project.

Walter is on my mind because I made his sweet potato and corn soup the other day and I couldn’t help chuckling about our first meeting. What I didn’t know at the time is his reputation for being cantankerous and a little ornery. He was both that day but I used my best school counselor skills and from that day forward, whenever the soup was on the menu, Walter would set some aside for me if I didn’t make it to the dining hall before It closed. I still have the container from the last time he extended this kindness.

So what does Walter and soup have to do with going to college? Let me make the connection for you. During your time on campus, you are going to meet so many people and you have the power to decide your relationship with them. Yes, transitioning to a new place is challenging and overwhelms you at times and there will be new experiences and new people.  You will have professors who push you out of your comfort zone by having high expectations of you and then there will be professors who are less than enthusiastic about their subject matter. Maybe that roommate questionnaire you completed during orientation fell a little flat in the selection process and your current roommate is not ideal. That throat-clearing noise is obnoxious, especially when you need to study.  How about your new Biology lab partner who annoys you with his habit of always being late? Then, what if you discovered your Calculus professor, who seems uninterested in his class, had a terminally ill relative? Or that your roommate didn’t know her habit annoyed you because you didn’t say anything. Did you know your Biology lab partner worked extra hours to pay his college bill and the only shift available was on the same day as the lab? I didn’t know Walter had a reputation when I chose kindness in my response to him.

Kindness. We’re in short supply of it these days.

On one of my last visits to Providence College, I went over to Alumni Hall Food Court to say hi to Walter. I’m glad I made the time to visit him because he was moving to another job not at the college. This time I accepted his offer to give me the recipe for Belinda’s Sweet Potato and Corn Soup. You see, after our initial meeting, he named the soup after me because he knew how much I enjoyed it. When I make that soup now, I smile because it connects me to a time in my life that was full of joy.

Kindness matters. Practice it daily.

Bonus – here’s the recipe. I hope it makes you smile.

                                         

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May 2021 Update

Professional development continues to be a major factor in my work life. With physical visits to campuses curtailed during 2020 (most are re-opening for in-person visits), I spend about 7 -10 hours per week on virtual visits with college admission counselors. The IECA, one of my professional organizations, regularly conducts College Conversations, an hour-long presentation with time built in for Q & A. To date, members of IECA had sessions with the colleges on the chart. Additionally, I added to this list by facilitating sessions in my capacity as the college counselor for the Montessori School of Raleigh where, along with the students, we learned more about UNC Charlotte, UNC Wilmington, the College of Wooster, Queens University of Charlotte, Muhlenberg, Elon, Western Carolina, North Carolina Central, the University of Alabama and the University of Alabama at Birmingham. Did you know UNC Wilmington has a major in Coastal Engineering or that Western Carolina (along with UNC Pembroke and Elizabeth City State) is a NC Promise institution? A NC Promise school’s in-state tuition is $500 while non-residents pay $2500 per semester.

Our virtual world allows for hours upon hours of accessible college information sessions. I had to step back and limit myself to a reasonable number of hours of “college visits”.

I challenge my students regularly to move beyond their comfort zone and during the height of the pandemic, I stretched myself way beyond my level of comfort. I am one of 14 co-authors of Becoming The Shero, an anthology depicting the journeys of entrepreneurs at different stages of their lives. My story is in the Embracing the Pivot section.

Another way I stay current is through my new position at Providence College. As of August 2020, I am the College Supervisor for the School Counseling Program. What does the college supervisor do? I supervise the students in the program during their 2-semester internship at a school, where they are directly supervised by their Site Supervisor, a certified professional school counselor. It is the student teaching equivalent for school counseling.

Reading is a daily pleasure for me. Here are nine books (not in chronological order) that helped me to educate myself about current events and issues of social justice:

  • Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents ~ Isabel Wilkerson
  • How to Be An Anti-Racist ~ Ibram X. Kendi
  • Stamped From The Beginning ~ Ibram X. Kendi
  • I’m Still Here ~ Austin Channing Brown
  • The Color Of Law ~ Richard Rothstein
  • We Want To Do More Than Survive ~ Bettina Love
  • Down Along With That Devil’s Bones ~ Connor Towne O’Neill
  • Interrupting Racism: Equity and Social Justice in School Counseling ~ Rebecca Atkins & Alicia Oglesby
  • Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race ~ Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D.

To stay up-to-date on trends in college, career and paying for college, see my list of books under the “Parent Resources” tab.

I challenge my students to be lifelong readers. I am practicing what I preach. What are you reading today?

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